We were at the grocery store checkout line, me and my son Santino. He was three or four years old.
Like good Hispanics in Miami, we had only spoken Spanish at home. English was brand new since he started school.
Then, with complete innocence and the timing only toddlers have, he turned to me and asked:
“Mamá, ¿cómo se dice c*ño en inglés?”
I froze—not because I didn’t know the answer, but because I did. And in that split-second, I had a choice. React—or reflect.
That’s when I ran up to the balcony (not literally).
In management and leadership, there’s a concept from Leadership on the Line by Heifetz and Linsky: great leaders move between the dance floor and the balcony. (Click here to purchase book https://amzn.to/4ntHChN)
The dance floor is where the action is. You’re in the mix—answering emails, making decisions, putting out fires, managing egos, agendas, and time.
The balcony is where you zoom out. You look at the system, the dynamics, the unspoken tensions. You ask: What’s really happening here? What’s the pattern? What’s the opportunity?
That day in the store, I realized: if I overreacted to this moment, I might teach Santino that curiosity is dangerous. That asking uncomfortable questions isn’t safe. And I knew that if I didn’t get this right, it might not be a big deal today—but it could be a very big deal later.
So I smiled, took a breath, and came back down to the dance floor. I said,
“Sh*t, Santino… pero eso no se dice.”
Playful. Clear. No shame. Just enough.
And here’s the deeper truth: whether you’re leading a team or raising a child, the same principle applies.
If you never step onto the balcony, you miss the bigger picture.
You miss the why beneath the behavior.
You miss the pattern behind the power struggle.
You miss them—not just the version you want them to be, but the person they are becoming.
When we manage only from the dance floor, we micromanage. We react. We confuse urgency with importance. We confuse authority with influence. We confuse activity with progress.
But staying too long on the balcony has its risks, too. We become distant. We over-intellectualize. We turn leadership—or parenting—into a performance review, not a relationship.
The best leaders—and the best parents—know when to switch.
They know when to pause a meeting to ask what’s not being said.
They know when to respond with empathy, not just policy.
They know that trust is built in those small moments, where someone dares to ask a question and watches how you respond.
This is leadership. This is love.
And it takes practice.
It means asking yourself not just “What’s the next right step?” but “What season are we in? What story is unfolding here? Am I reacting to the moment or leading toward the mission?”
And when I mess it up—and I do—I remind myself:
Clarity doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from perspective.
That one moment in the grocery store? It taught me more about leadership than most corporate training ever has. Because leadership isn’t just in the boardroom. It’s in the carpool lane, the Slack thread, the tough feedback conversation, the bedtime question.
So whatever role you’re in—manager, mentor, mother—take your balcony moment.
Step back. See clearly. Then come back down and lead with heart.
Because sometimes leadership sounds like a quarterly strategy.
And sometimes it sounds like:
“Sh*t, Santino… pero eso no se dice.”
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